Goodbye Parkside, We Love You!

It is with sad and heavy hearts that the Reads begin to say goodbye to Parkside. We have much history here and the Parkside community is a family to us now. It's fitting that the announcement of our leaving comes in February because we were first introduced to Parkside in February 2011, at a Woodland Lakes Valentines Fundraiser. We were hired to put on a concert as part of the evening's entertainment. Later that night, Betty Howell took us aside and mentioned that Parkside was looking to hire a worship minister. Daniel & I were newlyweds at the time, still living in Lexington, KY, and finishing up our Master's degrees. But, graduation was not far off and we were ready to move back home to Cincinnati.

Fast forward to that summer, we bought our first home together in Linwood (with George Madden as our realtor!) and by the Fall we were hired to help lead Parkside in worship. We were fresh faced and excited. Excited to be back home in Cincinnati, excited to meet our (soon-to-be) friends at Parkside, and excited about the future that God was displaying before us.

Of course, nothing in life turns out exactly as one might have pictured it, and drastic changes occurred in Parkside's leadership just a few months after we were hired, but we believed God was at work and stayed on, hopeful that God would still use us under the new and different leadership. Immediately we felt embraced by God's people at Parkside. We made friends that became family, we grew to love the musicians that were already serving in the worship ministry, and we were humbled (A LOT) at all that we didn't know about vocational ministry. It's not been easy but oh, has it been worth it.

Our own family has grown (quintupled actually) in the 7.5 years we've been at Parkside. All 5 of our children have been born in the season we've been serving here. And the love Parkside's people have shown us in that season has been beautiful and Christlike. The baby showers, home-cooked meals, gift cards, presents, hugs, encouraging words, and shared second-hand clothes have become invaluable resources that have blessed us and shown us God's love in incredibly practical ways. In short, we have been well loved by the people of Parkside. Thank you for that. You have earned a place in our hearts and in the stories we will tell our children about the community that loved us so well at the beginning of their lives.

For awhile now, we have been feeling the Holy Spirit stirring in us that the time was coming for our family to pursue another kind of adventure. The decision to leave has been fraught with tears and heartache. We have asked God over and over again to make His directions clear. And he has. And so, in obedience to Christ, we say goodbye to this beautiful Parkside family, trusting that God has great things in store for Parkside just as He has great things in store for the Reads. We still don't know what our new adventure will look like but the time has come for us to go. 

We love you Parkside. We're excited for what God has next for you.

Love with all our hearts,

Daniel, Katie, Isaiah, McKenna, Micaiah, Boaz, and Selah

It All Started with Goetta

It all started with goetta. I just wanted to know the ingredients in goetta. If you're a Cincinnatian, you know how amazing this stuff is. Some people get weirded out by the fact that it's part sausage, part oats but I already knew that. I just needed to make sure that goetta doesn't contain nitrates. Good news- it doesn't contain nitrates! Bad news- it does contain "monosodium glutamate" and I didn't know what that was. So, I googled it.

Oh.

I already knew that MSG is bad. I didn't know that it could go by "monosodium glutamate." Makes me wonder what else is hiding in my food that I ought to know about...

Starting on Saturday Jan 21, 2017 Daniel & I are starting the Whole Life Challenge. It's a "friendly competition" that lasts for 2 months and challenges us to complete certain lifestyle tasks each day. Click here if you want more details. (I'd be remiss if I didn't plug it: it does cost money but if you want to join in, you can! When you register, join 'Team Parkside' and you get all the fun and perks of competing alongside us!)

Anyway, the challenge is made of 7 different habits and you get points for completing each habit every day. The challenges include Sleep, Hydrate, Lifestyle, Reflect, Mobilize, Exercise, and... (you guessed it) NUTRITION!

I've been saying for awhile now that I want to change my eating habits and I definitely want my kiddos to grow up with a better mindset toward food than I have, so I think this is going to great for me.

Except I also think it's going to be RIDICULOUSLY hard.

I've spent 3 hours (!!!) on Pinterest tonight, trying to create my menu for the next week, following the guidelines laid out by the Whole life Challenge. (The level Daniel & I chose does not allow for carbs, sugar, or cheese, plus lots of other things but those are the hardest.) It's not that we eat that poorly now, but eliminating carbs and sugar is REALLY cutting into my list of "go to" recipes. No BREAD! No pasta! No tortillas! No cinnamon rolls!

Another thing on the list of "non-compliant foods" is nitrites and nitrates, benzoates, and monosodium glutamates. Which leads us back to MSG. I also had no idea what benzoates were so I looked those up too. That one is found in soda so I'm not too surprised that that's a bad guy. (Nobody thinks Coke is healthy for them. It's just tastes so dang good!) But then I read about potassium bromate and I'm REALLY sorry about that one. Apparently benzoates are bad but potassium bromate is REAL bad. Every other country in the world has banned potassium bromate except Japan and the US. In California, if a food contains potassium bromate then they have to put a "may cause cancer" label on the food. You know which food potassium bromate gets added to?

Flour.

My beloved bread. The stuff that any good meal is made of. The sweet smell of fresh baked bread. It's sad, really. I'm CERTAIN there are flours and baked goods out there that DON'T contain potassium bromate (and doggone it, I WILL find them! After the WLC is finished...) but it makes me sad to realize that we really do have to be careful about what we put in our bodies. I wish the American food industry was doing a better job of helping us eat what's good for our bodies instead of being really good at making money but... I digress.

So the challenge starts on Saturday and I'm hoping to blog my way through it, if for no other reason than I'll have an account to look back on and see what really challenged me and what changes we'd like to keep after we've served our sentence
gotten through it
survived
finished.

Pray for me. I just read about something called the "low carb flu." Awesome.

The Worst of Thieves

These last several months, Daniel & I have been trying to do a better job of observing the Sabbath. We have been taking Saturday as the day set aside for our family to "rest, play, and wrestle" (the wrestle part is an addition, courtesy of 4 year old Isaiah.) As a part of our playing, we take some time to retell a Bible story and then act it out. We also subscribe to a media server called RightNow Media that offers TONS of sermons, clips, and kids videos so we'll look to see if there is a kid's video that fits that week's story.

So, all of this back story is a lead up to recent events. A few Sabbaths ago, we told the story of Moses, specifically Moses and the Burning Bush. Isaiah has been learning about Moses in Sunday school anyway, so reinforcing the story at home just made sense. We talked about the burning bush and how God spoke to Moses through the fire. At that point in the story-telling I paused, and in the pause Isaiah said "I never hear Jesus talking in my fire, it just pops." This cracked me up! Such a hilarious observation. Then we watched "Prince of Egypt" on RightNow Media and we all had a great time that day.

Fast forward to today, 3 weeks from Moses and the Burning Bush. Today we told the story of Noah. We got to go to the Ark Encounter in Williamstown, KY on Friday and had a really great time. It's definitely worth getting down there to check it out- it's beautiful!

So we were enjoying a really relaxing Sabbath today, until it came time for dessert...
We sat down to eat our dinner and continued to talk about Noah and Jesus and why we honor the Sabbath. When it was time to eat dessert, Daniel decided to light a few candles and turn out all the lights in the house. He wanted us to focus on how Jesus is the light of the world and that we carry His light in us.

Now at this point in the day, I'm feeling pretty proud of us. We've spent the last two days talking about Noah and his faith in God. We've talked about Jesus and how he gives us good gifts. Our kids are being saturated in these truths and I'm feeling pretty proud.

Isaiah had just settled in with his dessert, he'd taken two bites. Daniel started talking about the candles and fire and how God spoke to Moses through the fire. Isaiah was really quiet and then said "Can God talk to me in the fire?" After thinking for a few seconds, I reassured him that God COULD talk to him through the fire but probably wouldn't. Then Daniel piped up and said "If God did talk to you through the fire it would be amazing! The first thing God said to Moses was 'Do not be afraid!'"

And that was the beginning of the Isaiah's meltdown. He began to lose it. He started to cry, then asked us to blow the candles out and turn the lights on. He tried to push the candle stick away and was pleading for us to blow the candle out. Daniel & I tried to reassure him that if God did speak it would be a good thing, and nothing to be afraid of, but at that point we had lost him. I told him that if he couldn't calm down we'd have to leave the dessert and go up to bed. So he chose to go to bed! I made sure he understood that if we went upstairs there'd be no turning back and still he insisted on going to bed. Fear had stolen his joy.

As I was tucking him into bed, I found my heart breaking for him. Isaiah was so caught up in the fear of what might happen if God spoke through the fire that he couldn't even enjoy his dessert. He just wanted to run. He wanted out. He couldn't even listen to Daniel & I as we tried to reassure him that God loves him and doesn't want him to be afraid. He just wanted out.

How often does God feel the same about me? When I get so caught up in my (completely irrational, totally unlikely) fears that I can't even enjoy the sweet things around me, does God's heart break over my lack of trust? Does he mourn because I totally missed the point of the story and stopped listening at the mere mention of the possibility of being afraid? He probably does. What am I supposed to do about this?! How do I teach Isaiah not to be afraid when this is a huge struggle for me too?

I hate fear. It is the worst of thieves. It robs us of so many good moments. I need to do a better job of repenting of fear and teaching my kids to do the same. Here I was feeling so proud of Daniel & I for spending the last 2 days laser-focused on talking about Jesus and his love, that I missed a huge chance to speak life over Isaiah and fear. Any advice on how to teach a 4 yr old (and his 33 yr old mama) not to fear?

The Blessing in the Breaking: Boaz's Birth Story

Hey all! I've had lots of friends ask about Boaz's birth story so if you're interested, here it is!

Thursday afternoon I had gone to the OB/GYN for my 40 week check up. Everything looked good but I was showing no real signs of labor beginning. I was dilated "1 cm and some wiggle room." The doctor joked that she hoped I went into labor the next day because then she'd get to deliver me. We both laughed but I knew it wouldn't happen. She asked if I'd be willing to schedule my induction  for the next week (just in case) but I declined and said I knew he'd come on his own time.

Thursday night we went to bed like normal but the night was long. McKenna & Micaiah woke up several times (which NEVER happens.) Isaiah had to go potty in the middle of the night (which also never happens.) Since we were up a lot Thursday night I vaguely remember feeling like I had a stomachache but was too tired and groggy to notice. About 5:30am I woke up, definitely feeling my stomachache. The more I woke up, the more I realized my stomachache was coming in predictable waves and I started timing the pains. My "stomachache" lasted about 35 seconds and were spaced 6 minutes apart.

So I came downstairs and did a little work, knowing full well we were gonna have a baby soon. I changed the laundry, picked up some toys, and packed my hospital backpack. I turned on my labor worship music and spent some time thanking Jesus that today was Boaz's birth day and asking for strength for the work ahead. I also texted our parents.

About 8am Isaiah came downstairs and we snuggled for a little while. I told him we were going to get to meet Boaz today and asked if he was excited. He asked "Do I get to go to Grammy's house now?" I laughed and said yes that Grampy was on his way to get him.  When Daniel came downstairs I could see on his face he was surprised to see me up and moving already (I am so not a morning person.) I said "Today is the day. We're going to have a baby today." His facial expression was great. Sleepy morning face + reality of labor + the call to action all played across his features in the span of about 5 seconds.

My dad showed up around 8:30am, which was really great because he helped distract Isaiah while I worked through contractions and Daniel got breakfast ready. Amazingly the twins slept until about 9:30am so it wasn't 10am before the kids were happily on their way to Grammy & Grampy's and Daniel & I could get to work.

If you're familiar with the 3 signposts of labor (Excitement -- Seriousness -- Self Doubt) I think it was only after the kids were gone that I could move into the seriousness of the work ahead. I could still talk with Daniel between contractions but he said I stopped laughing at his jokes as much. I was also starting to wonder when we were going to leave for the hospital. Because I needed a C-section to deliver the twins, my doctor wanted me to come to the hospital at the beginning of labor to watch for uterine rupture (a risk associated with VBACs.) However Daniel was in no hurry to leave, as he had yet to pack his part of the hospital bag. Then he sat down at the piano and asked if I wanted him to play for a little while. I started to feel a little panicky and reminded him that the doctor wanted me to come in as soon as labor began. But he gently reminded me that we had a lot of laboring left to do and wouldn't I be more comfortable at home? So, deciding to follow my husband's lead and trusting God to let my body work the way it was designed, we settled in. He played worship music for me for about a half an hour while I labored on the couch, working through contractions half the time and dozing the other half.

The thing I realized as I labored was if I pushed my pelvic floor down into the couch during a contraction, I could actually feel my cervix slowly pulling open. I kept picturing a drawstring bag being    s l o w l y    pulled open. It dawned on me then that that's the feeling my doula had been trying to get me to achieve when I was in labor with Isaiah. She kept reminding me to let me body open up but I didn't put the pieces together until 4 years later. Imagine that. Despite the pain, it was actually a cool sensation to realize I was working with my body and helping speed labor along instead of fighting every contraction by tensing up.

Eventually I moved upstairs to labor on our bed. I was able to sleep some, which was a nice way to get some rest before moving to the hospital. My contractions were about 45 seconds long and about 5 minutes apart. I kept thinking about wanting the blessing of an unmedicated delivery without any of the pain. I wanted my contractions to hurry up. I wanted to leave for the hospital (because somehow that meant my baby would be born that much faster?) I wanted to stop this feeling of my body being pulled apart from the inside. I wanted the blessing without the breaking.

When I was in labor with Isaiah my labor song was "Beautiful Things" by Gungor. Listen to it here if you're not familiar with it- it's an incredible song. For my labor with Boaz, I chose "Oceans" by Hillsong United. (Listen to it here.) I chose "Oceans" for one phrase; the one thought I most wanted to remember when in the painful throes of labor:

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

That my faith would be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

The thing about labor is that, yes it's painful, but it's pain with a purpose. Each painful contraction gets me one step closer to meeting my baby and achieving this goal of letting my body do the work it was LITERALLY created to do. It's one of only a few times when I can say without a doubt, that I was fully involved in the work I was born to do. It's an incredible feeling of fulfillment that also happens to hurt like crazy. By choosing an unmedicated labor, I'm allowing my body to feel the contractions that are like being broken open. In the same way, by saying "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" I'm openly walking into a life that is led by the Holy Spirit and not my own design. So even though my natural inclination is to tense up and resist pain, instead I want to choose to trust my Creator and walk through the blessing AND the breaking, as He leads me to it.

OK, so back to Boaz. About 2pm my contractions were consistently lasting longer than a minute so Daniel decided we were ready to go. We got to the hospital about 2:45pm. The drive over was MISERABLE for me. I don't think I had one productive contraction the entire drive over. I felt every bump, turn, and stoplight we encountered and tensed every time. Ugh, it was so very painful. The nurse in triage did not seem to understand that I was in very active labor and how little I wanted to follow her procedures. When she did check to see how dilated I was, she proclaimed me at 6 centimeters! She seemed so pleased and I was nothing but disappointed. I was so done with being in pain that I wanted to be at 9 cms and ready to push. I didn't have it in me for another 4 hours of labor to get to 10 cms. As I was getting settled in at Labor & Delivery, I had a contraction while the nurse was inserting my HepLock and I had an undeniable urge to push. I told her so (more like groaned but whatever) and she seemed totally fine with that. I was surprised. With Isaiah, the nurses made me wait to push but this nurse seemed totally fine with me following my body's cues. They moved me onto my back and brought the doctor in, low and behold I was 100% effaced and ready to deliver. I moved from 6 to 10 centimeters in under an hour- I was shocked. 

I thought I had been in hard labor. Then it came time to push. I realized I had nothing left to give and the hardest work was still ahead of me. I was in tears, clinging to Daniel's hand, telling him I couldn't do it. There was no energy, no strength left. I asked the doctor to just reach in and pull him out because as far as I could tell that was the only way he was going to come out. I certainly couldn't do it. The doctor asked if she could break my water which would help him come faster, which I quickly agreed to. The gush of fluid was intense, the nurses and Daniel pulled my legs back, and on the next contraction I pushed. I gave everything I had but no baby. When the next contraction came I could see his head crown and man alive did I push. Out he came followed by a second huge gush of amniotic fluid (Daniel said he surfed out on a wave.) And there he was. All 8 lbs 15 oz, and with a head full of hair (which we totally earned, if the Old Wives tales about heartburn and hair are to be believed.) We, the three of us, had done it. We had successfully achieved an unmedicated VBAC.

Daniel was incredible. He was patient with me, both encouraging me and being quiet when necessary. He wasn't afraid or tentative but made decisions with boldness so that I could trust him to lead us through this together. He was the one who believed I could do the work without medicine. He was the one calling me to trust my body to do the work the way it was created to work. He was the one leading me to worship through the pain. This man that God has given me to love for my lifetime painted the most incredible picture of Christ I could ever hope to see. On the day Boaz was born, Daniel embodied the Ephesians 5 husband to me.

Boaz Christopher Read was born at 4pm on Friday September 23, 2016. Weighing 8 lbs 15 oz and measuring 22 inches long. The name Boaz means "swiftness" and "man of valor." We chose the name Boaz because we want our son to live like the biblical Boaz whose story is recorded in the book of Ruth. Biblical Boaz showed compassion to a foreigner. He found virtue and rewarded it. He was generous. As for Christopher, my middle name is Christine so he's named for me in that regard. Christopher means "carrier of Christ," which I love.

Since Boaz is baby #4 for us we had a very short 24 hour stay at the hospital and were home by Saturday night. Both Boaz & I are doing great. Nursing is going really well. Sleeping is predictably hard to come by. I've got some skin tears and bruises from pushing so hard and that's been painful for me but the doctor thinks I'll be good as new in a few days, which is definitely a pro for unmedicated delivery. There is typically very little recovery time. As for Isaiah, McKenna & Micaiah they are in LOVE with their brother. No signs of jealousy or frustration yet, just sweet love for their baby Boaz. McKenna is especially attentive. Sometimes her love hurts, she just wants to squeeze him!

And that is the story of how Boaz was born! We're so grateful that his birth happened exactly as we had prayed and planned for. Thanks for all the love and support, encouragement and meals! 

The Miracle of Dry Towels

Yesterday was a day of highs and lows.

The Lows:

• I am very pregnant. I have felt incredibly good for the majority of this pregnancy (thank you JESUS!) but I am beginning to feel every minute of the 38 weeks I have carried this child. I am also feeling the pressure of 3 kids under 4 who very much need my love and attention right now. I want to be gracious and fun right now. I want to fill every minute of these last days (weeks?) with laughing and playing and wrestling and enjoying each other's company, because adding a 6th person to our brood will change the way this mama can play for awhile. But instead of all these good things, I spent most of yesterday focused on crossing off MY list. MY nesting. MY need to get stuff done before birth day. I spent most of yesterday grumpy.
• I dropped the baby monitor earlier this week and the screen went dead. We do not have the time or the money to replace our entire 3 camera baby monitor system.
• Daniel is feverishly working to get the Price Hill house finished before birth day so that he can be home and present when we have another child. Except for our Sabbath day, he is rarely home.
• We bought appliances for the Price Hill house and decided to upgrade our own appliances in the process. Which means Daniel also has a list of jobs to accomplish here at home in order to get all of the appliances fully installed. I have 2 weeks worth of laundry to do and the dryer is not yet hooked up.
• I am more and more nervous about the possibility of going into labor when Daniel is not home. This is becoming a very real fear...

The Highs:

• Despite the guilt of working on my list, I got a lot done yesterday and that just plain feels good!
• I put out a plea on Facebook for help with the monitor and a friend from church responded. He took it home on Wednesday and got it working again! His initial attempts failed and he didn't think it could be saved but I prayed! I believed! I asked several trusted prayer warriors to pray too! His wife dropped off the monitor this morning, COMPLETELY restored! It works perfectly again.
• During the monitor saga, my mom and my mother-in-love decided to pool their resources and buy us a new monitor system, should the old one be truly dead. If you have never priced video monitor systems, they are NOT cheap. I felt very cared for that they were willing to buy such an EXPENSIVE gift. And I'm grateful that now they don't have to!
• Daniel was quite productive last night and the kitchen at the Price Hill house is even closer to being finished! Once the kitchen is the done, the remaining projects are fairly small.
• I realized that not having a working dryer is only a problem in the winter. In September, why not line dry the clothes? I already have clothes line and pins so outside I went. I strung up my line, strung up the wet clothes and an hour later- I had clean, dry sheets! Plus I got to enjoy the bonus of having sun dried clothes (there's something very domestic feeling about that for me...)

So despite the lows, I'm grateful to call out the highs. But the day doesn't end there. It actually ends with a miracle. I truly think God showed up in a crazy way to show me that He sees me.

Last night I had to teach to 2 voice lessons. I loaded up the kids and off we went to go teach. The kids had done such a good job while I taught I decided to treat them to Skyline for dinner. While we were sitting in the restaurant, I noticed it seemed to be getting pretty dark outside, despite the fact that it wasn't all that late. Then I checked the radar. Rain. Lots of rain. And I had laundry proudly waving in the yard, soaking up all the September heat.  Now, if you have young kids, you know there is no hurrying them through a meal that they actually like. These kids were going to eat every last scrap of cheese from Skyline and would not be hurried. I could do nothing but pray the rain stayed away long enough for us to get home. As we left the restaurant it had already begun to rain and I knew my clean, dry laundry was no more. Sigh. 

We pulled in to the rain soaked driveway and I felt my grumpiness level shoot through the roof. Why did this season have to be so hard? Why did Daniel have to choose THIS year to buy and fix up a house? Why couldn't God make this time easier? Didn't He see how HARD all of this has been on me? I was serving up all of the 'whining whys' God detests and none of the praise He actually deserves. I got the kids in the house and went to check on the status of the laundry. As I stepped off the walkway onto the grass, it dawned on me that the walkway was dry. The grass was also dry. I looked around me. Our driveway was wet. Our neighbor's driveway was wet. The street was wet. Our porch was wet. But our walkway and our lawn was dry... As I reached out the see how soaked the towels were, my hand grabbed dry terrycloth. Friends, the towels were completely dry. Dry as could be. I GLEEFULLY got the laundry off the line and hustled inside just as the heavens opened back up to dump more rain on the thirsty grass.

In that simple discovery of dry towels, I felt so loved-- so SEEN by our good & gracious Father. He gave me a great gift and a gentle reminder that He's present for me. He sees what Daniel & I are doing, how we choose to live our lives and raise our children and he's blessing us. He's given us another arrow for our quiver and He is just so good. He can be nothing but good.

An Accounting

These past few months have been a whirlwind in the Read household. We've had a lot going on and so much of it has been good! (Beach Vacation! Week of CIY! Summer playdates!) But I'd be lying if I didn't also account for the stressful things. Or maybe I should say THING. (ahem... I'm looking at you, Price Hill house.) This renovation project has been ALL CONSUMING, particularly for Daniel. He has invested so much time into this house and we're just starting to see things take shape. There's still a LOT left to do. And, as time consuming are projects are prone to do, striking a balance has not been easy to find.

Which leads me to the reason for today's blog.

Daniel had been hard at work at the Price Hill house all day Saturday. By the time the kids and I got there with dinner, Daniel was filthy dirty but had accomplished a lot, working to fix the outdated electric throughout the house. After eating, the kids and I went upstairs to work on patching some crumbling plaster walls. I worked for a few hours (about as long as the kids can handle) then packed up, said goodnight to Daniel, and headed home. He stayed back, continuing to update the old knob and tube wiring.

He finally got home around 11pm Saturday night but seemed a little discouraged. He explained that he had been working on a particularly difficult tube and accidentally shattered the porcelain tube, causing a shard of porcelain to fly into his eye. He had spent the last hour at his sister's house trying to get cleaned up and get the shard out of his eye. They graciously drove him home, just to be safe. So, he showered and got ready for bed, his eye seemingly fine. But, around 2am Sunday morning, he woke up in EXCRUCIATING pain. I've never seen him quite like that- stomping his foot, rolling around on the floor, totally helpless to the pain. I knew this wasn't just going to get better. We needed help. We needed to go to the ER.

I started looking through my phone contacts, trying to find a friend who lives near us, that the kids would feel comfortable waking up to, and who might be willing to come sleep on our couch while we went to the hospital. Enter Wonderful Jess! Our kids know and love Jess, she has a servant's heart, and she lives close by. I called, she answered, and she showed up 15 minutes later. We were off to the ER.

Turns out most ERs are not nearly as dramatic as they show on TV (imagine that.) After checking in, they immediately led Daniel to a room and he was seen by a doctor within 20 minutes. They (graciously) numbed his eye, then poured this glow-in-the-dark goop into his eye. When they shone a blacklight into his eye, the goop lit up and was supposed to show any cuts in his eyeball. No cuts! Then they used fancy eye doctor binoculars, looking for more cuts but saw nothing. Basically, the answer was that the porcelain had hurt his eye (called a corneal abrasion) but was no longer stuck in his eye. The doctor described the corneal abrasion as a burn to the eye. Ouch. He reassured us that the pain would last for about a day then fade. He wrote Daniel a prescription for an ointment that would fight infection and sent us on our way. We got home at 5:30am Sunday morning.

ER Daniel

We tried to get a little more sleep before getting up for church but a middle of the night run to the ER kinda ruins any chance at good sleep. We got moving around 7am, with Daniel trying to figure out how to lead worship with his eyes glued shut. It was NOT the ideal way to prepare our hearts and minds for worship, I'll tell you that! After getting home from church, we spent the rest of Sunday napping, watching TV & snuggling, and catering to Daniel- trying to keep him away from light & minimize his pain as much as possible.

This little guy is the cuddliest of them all.

To say this day has been trying would be an understatement.

But, you see, I was born an optimist. I can't help but look for the silver lining when difficult situations pop up. I believe Jesus created me this way on purpose & it has served me well in discouraging situations. So, tonight while we sitting at dinner I started to account for this weekend's blessings. Indulge me if you will, but here's my list:

• On Friday night we took the kids to the Starlite theater, a drive-in theater in Amelia, OH. It. was. AWESOME! Daniel brought ALL the couch cushions and lined the bed of his truck with them. We had the BEST drive-in nest!
  
• Jess was SUCH a blessing to us, coming over at 3am AND helping to lead worship Sunday morning. She willingly jumped in to help and I was so blessed and HUMBLED by her selflessness.
  
  
• SO many people offered to help us on Sunday! Friends and family both jumped at the chance to offer help. I felt so loved, seen, and cared for!
• Sunday morning, I kept the kids with me in church. They'd had a rough morning and it seemed cruel to send them to their classes. When it came time for communion, I took 4 cups and 4 pieces of bread from the tray. I gave each kid their piece of bread and explained that the bread stands for Jesus' body and he was hurt so that God would forgive our sins. Then I handed each kid their cup of grape juice and started to explain about Jesus blood, then started laughing when I saw that the kids were clinking their cups together and saying "cheers." I can honestly say I've never been part of a communion toast before!
• Frozen pizza and fresh baked chocolate chip cookies for dinner. YUM! Nothing says comfort food like fresh-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies. Pro tip: I keep cookie dough tucked away in the freezer. Fresh cookies anytime we want :) :) :)

  

  Chocolate chip cookie faces!

• McKenna was hilariously leading blind Daniel around the house, holding his hand and tugging him along. She must have seen me leading him and thought to copy it. However, McKenna is our clumsiest child so it was a LOT like the blind leading the blind.
• After dinner, McKenna led Daniel to the piano where he channeled his inner Stevie Wonder and played some of our family favorites.  I love that he can still play piano, even temporarily blind!

  

  Our Stevie Wonder

Actively looking for these blessings helps me find perspective in the middle of a stressful weekend and a bit of balance when our schedule is complicated with a seemingly endless project. AND if you were at Parkside yesterday and wondered why Daniel was wearing a baseball hat & dark sunglassses, now you know.

Mother's Day Worthiness

I sat at the kitchen table writing my mom's Mother's Day card and at the bottom of the card I wrote "You are worthy of being celebrated today." This statement is so true for my mom, as well as my incredible mother-in-law. If ever there were a competition of 'momliness,' my mom would TOTALLY beat your mom. (Good thing this competition does not exist ;) In all seriousness though, she has so thoroughly modeled a Godly mom to me. My mom is the kind of mom that Mother's Day exists for. She is so worthy of being celebrated today because of all the selfless sacrifices she has made over my 32 years and CONTINUES to make. Which made me wonder, "am I worthy of being celebrated today?"

Now please don't get me wrong. This is not a "woe is me, I'm a bad mom" post or even a "being a mom is hard" post. This is just a plain 'ol "wondering about worthiness" post. But as I crawled under the kitchen table to wipe up breakfast (soggy Rice Krispies- yuck), I wondered, "is this what makes me worthy of being celebrated? because I keep our house tidy? ...I think it's more than that." Then as I stood at the sink to wash dishes I thought, "is my worthiness found in making good food; teaching my kids the value of eating well and nourishing their bodies? That's not very fulfilling for me." I keep thinking of a new soldier, deep in the trenches of war, trying to remember his training, working hard just to stay alive and keep his fellow soldiers alive. Then one day his commanding officer says "Hey soldier! We're celebrating you today, for keeping your head down and staying alive!" And the soldier say, "Don't celebrate me now! I haven't done anything yet!"

The reality is, I know (in my brain) that my worth doesn't comes from any of these superficial places like keeping a tidy house with clean dishes. I know that the only way I'm worthy is because Jesus makes me so. Yet I don't... feel it. My heart is sending messages like "There aren't enough hours in the day. How can you possibly get all of your projects done AND pay attention to the kids? Your children are going to look back on their childhoods and say "I remember mom almost always had a (phone or computer) screen in front of her."

While I know I'm constantly making selfless decisions for my kids, I don't FEEL selfless. Plus, I don't LIKE making the selfless decisions. My flesh rails against it and I regularly let it win!! Sometimes I, ON PURPOSE, let the kids watch 2 hours of "Bubble Guppies" so I can finish a project or make dinner or just get something DONE! Yes, I know research has shown that too much screen time is bad for kid's imaginations. Yes, I know that technology has invaded my home when my 1 yr old screams for Daniel's phone just so he can watch "bayball" (Micaiah speak for baseball.)

Do these 'Read family secrets' detract from my Mother's Day worthiness? Here's the only way I can think to answer that question.

I'll never be worthy. Even on my best mom days when the TV never gets turned on and no one even asks to "play the phone," I'm still not worthy to begin with. I can never be worthy on my own merit. I can never be a perfect enough mom to be worthy of being celebrated on Mother's Day.

But for Jesus...

BECAUSE OF JESUS working in me, calling me to spend time with Him so He can teach me about living, He makes me worthy.

BECAUSE OF JESUS planting loving people in my path to encourage me and come along side me to show me a better way, He makes me worthy.

BECAUSE OF JESUS blessing me with 3.5 incredible children and the most amazing husband I never dreamed I'd call my own, He makes me worthy.

Remove Jesus and my worth goes with it.

I'm only worthy because I have an active and alive Savior working in me EVERY DAY to lessen the sting of the bad mom days, to prod me to apologize to the kids when I blow up at them, to work out the selfishness so that it's completely eliminated from me, to remind me to put my work down and play with my kids.

Today marks my 4th Mother's Day. I've yet to feel WORTHY of being celebrated on Mother's Day. (Maybe we should change the name of it to Grandmother's Day-- there's an idea!!) Maybe when my kids are all grown up and I get to be a grandma then I'll feel worthy of all the Mother's Day hoopla. Or maybe I just haven't had enough years of motherly sacrifices to feel worthy of the holiday.  Either way, until I feel worthy, I'll just keep reminding myself that it's Jesus who makes me worthy and that will never change, regardless of whether my emotions catch up. Fake it 'til you make it, right?

To my mama friends that will read this, I hope you have a genuinely HAPPY, fulfilling, gratitude-filled Mother's Day, whether you think you deserve it or not. It's Jesus who makes you worthy and you can't change that.

All my mama love,
Katie