Helpful anticipators

I have always appreciated people who are "anticipators." People who see a need and respond to it before being asked. People who foresee trouble/problems/situations and do what they can to prevent or solve such issues. Helpful anticipators. My mom is a helpful anticipator. She will send a box of diapers just as the last diaper is about to be used. My mother-in-love Ellen is a helpful anticipator. She will invite us over for dinner exactly when I have run out grocery money and only had mac n cheese to make for dinner. Daniel is a helpful anticipator. He keeps the oil changed in my car so that it runs as smoothly as possible, and hopefully sparing me from any car trouble.
God, in His infiniteness, is the ultimate helpful anticipator. The examples listed above are really examples of God providing. I think He just loves when we are open to being used by Him. I think God loves it when we allow Him to work through us and uses us people to provide for each other. When we know Him and are listening to Him and we're being obedient. I think obedience might be God's favorite love language.

Sadly I, in my worldly short-sightedness, am the ultimate forgetter. WHY DO I ALWAYS FORGET THAT GOD WILL PROVIDE?! Why is that I can remember a hundred different romantic things that Daniel has done for me but I can't remember the billion amazing ways God has provided for us?  And when God does do something incredibly helpful, something extraordinary, why do I act so surprised?

Yesterday I was going through Isaiah's winter clothes to see what he will need. We have generously been given enough hand-me-downs to clothe a small village of baby boys but I'm also missing a few, pretty significant pieces in Isaiah's warm clothes wardrobe (ie. a winter coat in his current size!) Just as I was fretting over how we were going to pay for some of this stuff, I got a text from my mom saying she had just "picked up a few things for Isaiah" and could she drop them off later today? And then I get a FB message from a friend at church saying she's got 3 bags of clothes for Isaiah.

WHY. DO. I. DOUBT?!? Seriously, why? And even as I type this, even as I ask myself these questions, I know I will struggle with this my whole life. I feel like I will still be surprised the next time God provides in an extraordinary way.

And yet, maybe that's actually ok. I'd MUCH rather fall on my face in gratitude in front of the One True King every single time He provides for my family than get too cynical or jaded or spoiled to act like God providing 3 bags of clothes is no big deal. I'd much rather be surprised when God lavishes on me than expect it and get angry when He doesn't lavish the way I think I ought to be lavished on. Or worse, to think He owes me. (Ooh, God please don't ever let me fall into the trap of believing that you owe me ANYTHING!)

But more than being on the receiving end of these blessings, I also LOVE being on the giving end. I love when God calls me (and my family) to give, whether out of our abundance or out of lean times, I always walk away feeling closer to God, so in tune with His voice and His will. I hope that Isaiah will be so saturated with knowing God as his provider that he will never struggle with doubting God's provision. That he will never even think to worry about stuff because he will automatically look to God for peace. Maybe I will learn from my son's example :)

An Imaginary Dialogue

Do you ever feel like the Lord is "dealing with you" over a certain subject or issue? I've been feeling God sort of prompting me to deal with some junk recently. It's small-ish junk (as though junk comes in sizes?) but small or large, junk is junk and I'd like it gone from my life. Actually,  I take that back. It's not small junk. It basically affects every area of my life. I guess I think it's small because it's not a major sin issue, it's a lack of spiritual fruit. But it's not small, not really.

Here's the dialogue in my head imagination when God prompts me like this (and I'm paying close enough attention to do something about it):

God: "Katie, you know self-control is a fruit of the spirit."
Katie doesn't recognize God is speaking to her.
God: "Proverbs says a man without self control is like a city that's been looted."
Katie hears God but ignores Him.
God: "My Spirit within you has the power to help you gain better self-control."
Katie: "This is uncomfortable. Learning self-control means I can't satisfy my flesh. It means I have to tell myself no. No to things I like saying yes to (ie. sleeping in instead of reading my Bible, checking Facebook instead of going for a run, eating ice cream at 10pm.)"
God: "I hear you but life is better with self control. It might not look this way right now but My grass seriously is greener. You know I wouldn't steer you wrong here."
Katie: "Nope. Don't like it. Not gonna do it. Besides, this isn't actually YOU God. This is just my crazy imagination."
God: "Do you want to be in exactly the same place with deeper ruts and even harder-to-break habits a year from now? 5 years from now? Or do you want things to be different?"
Katie: "Fine, I guess I can see some areas that I'd like to change. But I don't like it. What do I do first?"
God says nothing.
Katie: "God?"
God says nothing.

Does anyone else feel like this?! You have this great moment of communication with God. You feel yourself really truly "hearing" from Him. You make the decision to make a change. You ask God to help you get started and boom, suddenly Chatty Cathy up there is stone silent. Sigh. God sure does like for His kids to figure things out for themselves!