July 10

After my previous blog post, I have had so many people come alongside to encourage me in this pregnancy. If you have been one of those people, from the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU! We are feeling the prayers and support that you are sending our way.

One friend, a mom to 8 month old boy/girl twins, commented on my blog and had some very specific encouragement to offer (Hi Angela!) She said her twins were born at 38 weeks but that they struggled to nurse. She wondered if they had stayed inside longer if they wouldn't have had as much trouble. That one statement blew me away. And here's why. I've heard that so. many. times. that twins usually come early, I've subconsciously had it in my mind that twins are SUPPOSED to come early. Of course if I had actually thought it through I would have said otherwise, but in my mind our twins were going to be born before 38 weeks because that's just what twins do. I hadn't even CONSIDERED that 38 weeks is STILL 2 weeks early and that babies born early typically have a few more issues than babies that make it to 40 weeks and beyond. (I know there can be exceptions to this as newborns do not exactly have reputations as being predictable. I'm only speaking in terms of averages/generalizations.) I've been thinking all along that my due date is June 26, which is 38 weeks. No. My due date is July 10- 40 weeks. That's the new goal. 40 weeks gestation carrying twins.

So Monday evening, Daniel came home from work and as we were rehashing our days, I told him about my conversation with Angela and her valuable insight. He very gently and lovingly reminded me that, while I am uncomfortable and VERY ready to deliver these babies, it's still easier with them on the inside than on the outside. The longer they stay inside the stronger their lungs get, the more weight they gain so they'll sleep for longer stretches, the better they'll nurse, etc etc. The ONLY reason to deliver early is if the babies are in some kind of trouble and none of our monitoring has shown any sign of trouble. So by Monday night I was feeling as though I had been given a second wind. Not only will I carry these babies as long as possible, I will choose to rejoice in every day that I'm NOT in labor!

As if that weren't enough to boost my sails, I had 2 doctor's appts on Tuesday- a regular check up as well as a non-stress test/amniotic fluid check. At the check up I learned that I'm 2 cm dilated (WOOHOO, that's 2 cm closer to being 10 cm!) and I also learned that the hospital won't suggest I be induced at 38 weeks as long as both the babies & I are showing no signs of distress. I had been told all along they wouldn't "allow" me to go much past 38 weeks so I have been mentally preparing myself for a bit of a fight (as I really really do not want to be induced.) Hearing the doctor give verbal permission to put off induction gave me SUCH encouragement, as it reaffirmed that the hospital really is on my side and not some villainous institution designed to snatch my babies from my womb before they're ready. (Please forgive the theatrics but birthin' babies the natural way is not always smiled upon.)

Here's the moral of my story. When I was pregnant with Isaiah, I decided I wanted to have a natural, unmedicated delivery. I had 2 reasons for this. The main reason was because I wanted it to be an act of worship, trusting God as my Creator and therefore trusting my body, God's creation, to do the job the way He designed it. The second reason was because I had done a lot of research on the effects of various hospital interventions on newborns and I didn't like a lot of what I had read. It was a 100% personal decision between Daniel & I. It was also an INCREDIBLY empowering experience for me. You see, I'm not very athletic. I've never "pushed my body to it's limits" before. I don't know the physical pain and struggle that many athletes go through. In truth, I've never really liked my body, athletic or not. When I was in labor with Isaiah and feeling every single contraction, every single push, every single nerve ending crying out in pain, I actually liked & appreciated my body. I was grateful to have been made a woman and to have been equipped with the tools necessary to deliver this child, the physical representation of the love between Daniel & I. That day I was INCREDIBLY grateful for the body I have. I want to feel that way again. I want to worship my Creator by pushing my body to it's limits and using His creation the way He intended. I want to deliver these twins into the world knowing that it was my God who carried me through and not anything man made.

Now before I offend anyone, I know there are a billion different birth stories out there and NONE of those stories are wrong. Your birth story is as unique to you and your personality as mine is to me. Please know I'm only speaking for myself and for what has been true for me. I know God carries us women through EVERY birth, whether it's on an operating table, at a water birth, or in the back of an ambulance. I'm not downplaying you or God's role in your story, I'm just telling mine.

So, here's to 3 more weeks of pregnancy. The new goal is 40 weeks aka July 10. I got this!

P.S.- If God brings our family to your mind, would you pray for these specifics:
1. Pray that McKenna, Baby A, turns head down. She is currently breech and the hospital will not allow a vaginal delivery if Baby A is breech.
2. Pray that I continue to get the sleep I so desperately need.
3. Pray that the hospital staff on duty the day I deliver is compassionate and flexible with our birth vision.

Pregnancy Cravings Crisis

There are many funny things that happen during pregnancy- Weird digestive issues. Odd shapes protruding from your mid-section. Perfect strangers asking you very personal questions and seriously invading your personal space. But I find pregnancy cravings to be equally as odd. When I am not pregnant, I do everything I can to quiet my unhealthy cravings. I try to distract myself with a better choice or just ignore the craving altogether. ("I am in charge!" I say. "I will not succumb!")

And then I get pregnant. All sense of self control and self denial literally FLY out my door. Fudgsicle for lunch- SURE! Veggies and dip for a post lunch snack? At least it's somewhat healthy, I rationalize. Chipotle for dinner? Only if Daniel agrees. (Please Lord, let Daniel agree...) It's as if I feel entitled to the craving because... I'm pregnant! with twins! It's winter! The twins need it (this one works well on Daniel ;)

Is it because our culture expects pregnant women to have cravings that I feel such a lack of control? Is it because people are inclined to say: "Go ahead, you're eating for 2 now." (or in my case 3!) And then, as if to add insult to injury, the things I crave the most are the things pregnant women aren't really supposed to have. For example, a California sub from Jimmy John's sounds DELISH. But I'm not supposed to have lunch meat. And I'd love to wash that sub down with an icy cold Cherry Coke. Except the caffeine is bad for the babies and the Coke is bad for all of us. And then I make chocolate chip cookies for small group but sampling the raw cookie dough is a no-no so I shouldn't risk it.

And I'm not alone in my cravings crisis either. I have had several mama's share some pretty hysterical cravings stories from crying over chicken salad (Hi Lauren!) to refusing to eat a banana split (Hi Christie!)

But then there's a flip side to this coin: food aversions. Currently, I cannot BEAR the thought of eating leftovers. I will make something really tasty for dinner one night and the next day the mere thought of heating up the leftovers makes me lose my appetite. More times than not I have chosen to skip the meal than eat the leftovers. WHY?! I am normally fine with leftovers, especially if it's something that I enjoyed the first time! Am I growing children who will also hate leftovers?

Cravings Count

While pregnant with Isaiah I craved apples & peanut butter, watermelon, chocolate milkshakes from UDF, guacamole.

While pregnant with the twins, I have craved/am currently craving veggies & dip, Chipotle burritos, the ever classic pickles (by themselves though), Jimmy Johns, LaRosa's.

Having more babies...

Please note right off the bat that this blog post is NOT, I repeat NOT a pregnancy announcement. I am not, to my knowledge currently with child. I am however becoming more and more OK with getting pregnant again. Up until, oh... yesterday I would have told you that I am just not yet ready to add another baby to our mix. Isaiah is still my baby! I am guessing this is normal but I'm having a difficult time seeing my baby as a toddler, and with good reason. He's still nursing 3-4 times a day and he's not walking yet. He's still a baby to me! Maybe I'll always see him as my baby. Time will tell I suppose.

So up until yesterday, every time I thought about going through pregnancy again I felt uneasy. I remembered the heart burn and the difficulty sleeping, the feeling awkward in my own skin. And I had an easy pregnancy with Isaiah! It all started with a negative pregnancy test a few days ago. I had been having terrible heart burn (which I've only ever had when pregnant) so I thought maybe I was in the family way. But when the test came up negative I felt a tiny twinge of sadness, which took me by surprise! I have been vehemently telling Daniel that I'm just not ready for #2 yet.

Then I saw a newborn baby on Sunday and I got that inkling.

And I was at Once Upon a Child today looking for a winter coat for Isaiah and I saw all the newborn clothes and I got the urge.

So... maybe there will be another Read baby in 2014. Thankfully I'm not the one who decides when a life is created so I just get to enjoy the ride ;)