The Girl Who Cried C-Section

38 weeks with twins!

Today is a very important day for the Read Twins. Together we have made it to the 38 weeks mark! All of the nurses at the clinic and hospital (as well as our friends and family) have been so encouraging about making this far.

On Tuesday I had a check up and the doctor said everyone looks healthy, hearts are strong and I've even dilated to 3 cm! Everything was perfect! Except McKenna, Baby A, was still not head down. This led the doctor & I into a long conversation about when this pregnancy should come to an end. In her opinion, I should schedule a c-section for as soon as possible. I wanted to wait through this weekend and see if I could get McKenna to turn. She said she'd give until 39 weeks. Discouraged and heartbroken I climbed into my car and sobbed onto the steering wheel. My broken prayer went something like this "God, why won't You turn this baby? I know You can do it! I know it's not beyond You yet You remain silent and my baby remains still. Why Lord?"

After I had collected myself, I called Daniel to relay the sad news but got no answer. Then I called our doula and she had some wonderful insight and encouragement though she too recommended I schedule the c-section. When your doula recommends a c-section then you KNOW your options are miniscule. All that afternoon and later that night I railed against God and His silence. Why was He being so quiet with me? Where was the "peace that surpasses understanding?" I'm falling apart and God is not helping.

Wednesday was a slightly better day in that at least I wasn't crying at the mere thought of a c-section. I also found a chiropractor who specializes in the Webster technique, a method of care known for turning breech babies head down. He is fantastic and I highly recommend him, wether you are pregnant or not. Here's the link to the Clearly Chiropractic facebook page. He gave me hope that we might still have a window to get McKenna to turn.

Today we had scheduled a growth scan to see exactly how big these babies have gotten as well as to check on amniotic fluid levels and other late term pregnancy details. Turns out that little Miss McKenna, weighing in at 6 lbs 10 ounces, my daughter who won't turn, may be stuck because her GIGANTIC 9 lb brother won't give her the space to do so! We were SHOCKED to hear that Micaiah might weigh 9 lbs! We will be even MORE shocked if that turns out to really be true. (Ultrasound weights are known to be off by a pound or so.)

And with that detail the door is officially closed on a vaginal delivery. Most hospitals have 2 caveats for vaginal twin deliveries 1.) that Baby A is head down and 2.) that Baby A is bigger than Baby B. The doctor explained to us that because Micaiah is 33% bigger than his sister, even if McKenna were head down, she would do all the work for her little 6 lb. 10 oz. self but that would likely not be enough for her 9 lb. brother to get out too.

And so Friday June 27th sometime after 2 pm in the afternoon, the Read Twins will take their first breaths and they will be out for all the world to see and hold! OK maybe not ALL the world but all the people in OUR little personal world. It's not how I would have written the story but when you're not the one holding the pen you don't get to make those decisions. I'm sad and disappointed because I wanted the same naturally empowering delivery for the twins that I got to have with Isaiah but who knows how God will use this story?

So now that I am resigned to a c-section I ask that you might still continue to pray for an incredibly fast and easy recovery. I am not looking forward to the restrictions and limitations that come with major abdominal surgery, especially with an an active 2 year old to look after. Pray that God is gracious to my body and allows it to heal with speed and ease.

Also if you are so inclined to hospital visits, we welcome the company but ask that you check with Daniel before just showing up. Thanks for praying and loving our little family. Here's to the Read 3 becoming the Read 5!

July 10

After my previous blog post, I have had so many people come alongside to encourage me in this pregnancy. If you have been one of those people, from the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU! We are feeling the prayers and support that you are sending our way.

One friend, a mom to 8 month old boy/girl twins, commented on my blog and had some very specific encouragement to offer (Hi Angela!) She said her twins were born at 38 weeks but that they struggled to nurse. She wondered if they had stayed inside longer if they wouldn't have had as much trouble. That one statement blew me away. And here's why. I've heard that so. many. times. that twins usually come early, I've subconsciously had it in my mind that twins are SUPPOSED to come early. Of course if I had actually thought it through I would have said otherwise, but in my mind our twins were going to be born before 38 weeks because that's just what twins do. I hadn't even CONSIDERED that 38 weeks is STILL 2 weeks early and that babies born early typically have a few more issues than babies that make it to 40 weeks and beyond. (I know there can be exceptions to this as newborns do not exactly have reputations as being predictable. I'm only speaking in terms of averages/generalizations.) I've been thinking all along that my due date is June 26, which is 38 weeks. No. My due date is July 10- 40 weeks. That's the new goal. 40 weeks gestation carrying twins.

So Monday evening, Daniel came home from work and as we were rehashing our days, I told him about my conversation with Angela and her valuable insight. He very gently and lovingly reminded me that, while I am uncomfortable and VERY ready to deliver these babies, it's still easier with them on the inside than on the outside. The longer they stay inside the stronger their lungs get, the more weight they gain so they'll sleep for longer stretches, the better they'll nurse, etc etc. The ONLY reason to deliver early is if the babies are in some kind of trouble and none of our monitoring has shown any sign of trouble. So by Monday night I was feeling as though I had been given a second wind. Not only will I carry these babies as long as possible, I will choose to rejoice in every day that I'm NOT in labor!

As if that weren't enough to boost my sails, I had 2 doctor's appts on Tuesday- a regular check up as well as a non-stress test/amniotic fluid check. At the check up I learned that I'm 2 cm dilated (WOOHOO, that's 2 cm closer to being 10 cm!) and I also learned that the hospital won't suggest I be induced at 38 weeks as long as both the babies & I are showing no signs of distress. I had been told all along they wouldn't "allow" me to go much past 38 weeks so I have been mentally preparing myself for a bit of a fight (as I really really do not want to be induced.) Hearing the doctor give verbal permission to put off induction gave me SUCH encouragement, as it reaffirmed that the hospital really is on my side and not some villainous institution designed to snatch my babies from my womb before they're ready. (Please forgive the theatrics but birthin' babies the natural way is not always smiled upon.)

Here's the moral of my story. When I was pregnant with Isaiah, I decided I wanted to have a natural, unmedicated delivery. I had 2 reasons for this. The main reason was because I wanted it to be an act of worship, trusting God as my Creator and therefore trusting my body, God's creation, to do the job the way He designed it. The second reason was because I had done a lot of research on the effects of various hospital interventions on newborns and I didn't like a lot of what I had read. It was a 100% personal decision between Daniel & I. It was also an INCREDIBLY empowering experience for me. You see, I'm not very athletic. I've never "pushed my body to it's limits" before. I don't know the physical pain and struggle that many athletes go through. In truth, I've never really liked my body, athletic or not. When I was in labor with Isaiah and feeling every single contraction, every single push, every single nerve ending crying out in pain, I actually liked & appreciated my body. I was grateful to have been made a woman and to have been equipped with the tools necessary to deliver this child, the physical representation of the love between Daniel & I. That day I was INCREDIBLY grateful for the body I have. I want to feel that way again. I want to worship my Creator by pushing my body to it's limits and using His creation the way He intended. I want to deliver these twins into the world knowing that it was my God who carried me through and not anything man made.

Now before I offend anyone, I know there are a billion different birth stories out there and NONE of those stories are wrong. Your birth story is as unique to you and your personality as mine is to me. Please know I'm only speaking for myself and for what has been true for me. I know God carries us women through EVERY birth, whether it's on an operating table, at a water birth, or in the back of an ambulance. I'm not downplaying you or God's role in your story, I'm just telling mine.

So, here's to 3 more weeks of pregnancy. The new goal is 40 weeks aka July 10. I got this!

P.S.- If God brings our family to your mind, would you pray for these specifics:
1. Pray that McKenna, Baby A, turns head down. She is currently breech and the hospital will not allow a vaginal delivery if Baby A is breech.
2. Pray that I continue to get the sleep I so desperately need.
3. Pray that the hospital staff on duty the day I deliver is compassionate and flexible with our birth vision.

The Girl Who Cried Labor: Strike 2

36 WEEKS WITH TWINS!

This past Thursday was an important day for me and this pregnancy. I hit my gestational goal of 36 weeks on Thursday June 12- WOOHOO! In the days after we found out we were expecting twins, there were several twin pregnancy "warnings" that began to surface, mainly the risk of twins being born early and the increased possibility of bedrest. So as I got used to the idea of carrying twins, I decided I was going to set a goal of 36 weeks for these babies. I decided to do everything in my power to keep them cookin' for 36 weeks and we have made it to the goal!

The other piece of the puzzle was avoiding bed rest at all cost. Daniel was convinced that if I upped my activity level early on then I could trick my body into thinking being super active is the norm. And I think it worked! I have chased after Isaiah and walked as much as possible plus God has been gracious and I have had zero reason to be put on bed rest- praise the Lord!! My blood pressure is normal, the babies heart rates are perfect, we are doing GREAT!

BUT the one thing I wasn't warned about was being on high alert for signs of labor once I got close to the end. Most of the resources I read said that twins come early. So since December I've had it in my mind that ours would too. Making it to 36 weeks seemed like an eternity anyway, surely they'd come not long after that. And now, at least once a day, I think either my water broke or I'm having contractions (more productive than Braxton Hicks contractions anyway.)

Once a day. Every. Single. Day since I hit my 36 weeks mark.

A few nights ago I got up at 3 am to use the bathroom and was CERTAIN my water broke. I joyfully climbed back into bed thinking "I'll get sleep now so that when the painful contraction start up I'll have a little more energy stored." Next thing I know, it's 8am and I awake with no pain, no contractions, no signs of labor whatsoever. Sigh.

This past Sunday morning I was at church and I just picked up Isaiah from his Sunday School class. As I was walking up the stairs to the sanctuary I felt little drops of water hitting the backs of my legs. I thought "Finally! This is it!" I quickly handed Isaiah to Daniel and ran to the bathroom to take care of things. Except there was nothing to take care of. I had no clue where the water had come from. Until I got back to Daniel & Isaiah and saw that the lid to Isaiah's water bottle wasn't screwed on tightly and was sprinkling water droplets with every step. Ugh. Double sigh.

Or the WORST is when I have a dream that I am already in labor only to wake up and discover IT WAS JUST A DREAM! GGGAAAHHH!!

Every internal twinge, every trip to the bathroom, every movement or kick from the twins and I think I'm on the verge of labor. It's ANNOYING! And the worst part is, I KNOW what it feels like to go into labor. When I was pregnant with Isaiah, it was very obvious when my water broke- there was no guessing game about it.

I am more than just the girl who cried labor. I'm the obsessive, can-think-of-little-else, nearly-gone-crazy girl who cried labor.

The thrill of my 36 week victory was short-lived considering now I'd do just about anything to get labor started. Send me your wives tales, your theories, and your advice friends as I am one HUGELY pregnant, overly-tired mama who is ready to meet these babes on the OUTSIDE!

And I'll be 37 weeks on Thursday June 19.

The Girl Who Cried Labor

My water broke last night. Or so I thought. No, this wasn't another case of me stepping in a melted ice cube or anything like that. I truly thought the beginning of the end had begun.

Daniel & Isaiah were out on the porch getting their hair cut. I went out with a towel to brush off Isaiah and as I bent down, suddenly there was a puddle below me! I rushed up stairs to get cleaned up, trying to remember all that I've been taught about recognizing amniotic fluid. When I was nearing the end of my pregnancy with Isaiah, my doula gave me an awesome tip for this sort of thing. You know how the Pampers Swaddlers diapers have that wetness indicator strip? The one that turns from yellow to blue after your baby has peed in the diaper? Well, she recommended I wear a diaper like a pad and if the strip turns colors then VOILA! proof that my water had broken. So in goes the diaper and we went about our evening. I kept waiting for the contractions to start but... nothing. When my water broke with Isaiah, the contractions began about a half an hour later. There was no question that labor had begun (of course it didn't hurt that Isaiah was already a week overdue and we knew labor was inevitable.) But by the time we climbed into bed last night I was beginning to think it had been a false alarm. No contractions yet. Maybe I just have an over active bladder.

As I lay in bed trying to get comfortable enough to fall asleep, my thoughts kept racing back and forth. "I'm only 34 weeks, and 36 weeks has been my goal. I don't really want labor to start anyway."
"But everyone says twins come early. Besides, they should weigh enough to be healthy by now."
"But every day in the womb is another day closer to their best start possible."
"But I'm so weary of this pregnancy. Can't it be over now?!"
And back and forth my thoughts would go.

Finally I fell into a restless sleep, still not fully convinced my water hadn't broken and waiting for the pain of contractions to begin. And then came the dream.

In my dream, the contractions HAD begun. So I woke Daniel and we began to pack for the hospital. I called my mom and our doula and both came over to do their part. However, Dena our doula was quietly panicking, chastising us for not already having packed our hospital bags and trying to hurry us along. I kept thinking "this isn't right, we're supposed to labor at home. Why is she rushing us to get to the hospital?" Then I realized my body was already pushing. Daniel reached down to catch our daughter and out she slid. She was covered in typical newborn baby goo but she wasn't a newborn. She was a tall, gangly 2 year old. She had long stringy brown hair and something about her was not right. She didn't cry, she didn't make any noise at all, she just opened her eyes and blinked at us. But something was missing. She had no life in her eyes. She wasn't dead but she was definitely not all there. My mom took her from Daniel and cleaned her up. She also gave her a hair cut so her long hair wasn't in her face and eyes. She found some toddler clothes and dressed her. In the meantime, my contractions had stopped. It seemed that McKenna's brother was not as eager to make his entrance as his sister had been. I couldn't shake the fact that something was wrong with McKenna. And why wasn't she a baby? She was born 6 weeks early, something was not right.

And that was the end of the dream. As if I wasn't already struggling to sleep well, this dream left me unsettled and even more weary. And still no sign of labor actually beginning. I even checked my diaper wetness indicator but it was still yellow. Sigh. I had been fooled. I am the girl who cried labor. Strike 1. 

In the meantime, here's a list of things I am looking forward to POST delivery:

• Being able to bend over and breathe at the same time
• Having a lap for Isaiah to sit on
• Getting out of bed/out of a chair/off the ground without having to plan an exit strategy
• Sleeping on my back and belly again
• Sleeping without hip pain
• The ability to take a deep breath without having a baby shoved up into my diaphragm
• Having the ability to outrun Isaiah, my 1-year-old track star
• Having an appetite again
• Fewer trips to the restroom
• Walking up a flight of stairs without losing my breath
• Being able to fit through tight spaces 
• Drinking a Cherry Coke without guilt
• Jimmy John's Beach Club
• NO.MORE.HEART BURN!!!
• Oh yes and of course I can't wait to hold our twins on the outside. For that matter, I can't for OTHER people to hold them too. I'm ready to share :)